Finally I Get It!

You! you! YOU!

You know it really has only to do with one thing!!!

The secret of the universe!

The heart of the universe!

The heart!

This heart of darkness.

Rebbe knew this secret..

(The heart and the spring [1])

He knew!

Your secret.

That You in…. You…in Your infinitude

Your Magnitude

Your Majesty

Are seduced by one thing only…

The heart!

The heart of the world

The heart of suffering

The heart of a wide-eyed boy

Whose girl finally shares a glance with him from the lady’s gallery

Of Finchley Central Synagogue

Circa 1964.

You understand that!

You demand that!

You are only moved by that alone.

I get it!

In the flirting!

In the search! Le cherche du femme!

In the failed conquest!

In the surrender to another’s rejection!

You are there!

You!

Are still moved by that!

Not the voluminous Talmudic pages learned by heart…

Not the erudition of the scholars..the pilpul..

Not the mastery of texts by the Talmidei Chachamim

No!

Only this little boy

Whose heart was inflamed,

And after years of pain and suffering and pining,

She sent a glance his way…

From the lady’s gallery…

And he fell apart…

His heart dissolved…

A solution of divine proportions!

She!

Had glanced his way!

Her gaze..

Was as vast as the cosmos,

It traversed the universe to him,

Taking decades to realize this…she…

The Matronita

Had glanced upon the zoharic knight on the white horse below the castle

Who had pledged eternal platonic love for her.

And now,

The universe makes sense

Finally,

I realized what makes YOU tick! Lord

You , You, You!

Take pleasure in this alone.

You share in my heart pain.

However, when the Heart needs to rest a bit,

so as to draw a little breath [Yid. oyf zoyfn] then

comes a Big Bird and spreads its wings above it,

shielding it from the sun; then the Heart gets

a little rest. But even then while resting

it also looks facing the Spring and still longs for it.

But since it longs so much for the Source,

why does it not go to the Source?

Only, as soon as the Heart wants to go close

to the Mountain upon which is the Source

then it no longer sees the peak;

it cannot look at the Spring —

and as soon as it would not look at the Spring

it would expire, for the Heart's entire vitality

is only from the Source, so when it stands facing the

Mountain then it sees the Mountain peak where the Spring is,

but immediately as soon as it wants to go to the Mountain,

the peak no longer appears (for such indeed is the way with a tall

mountain; standing from afar the peak is visible,

but upon going nearer the peak is no longer visible).

Then it can no longer look at the Source and could

— Mercy save us! —

expire, and if this Heart

— Mercy save us! —

would expire the whole world would be destroyed,

for the Heart is the very vitality of every thing,

and how can the world endure without the Heart?

Therefore the Heart cannot go to the Spring;

it only stands facing the Spring, longing and screaming

without cease to be able to come to it, as mentioned.

[1] And there is a Mountain, and on the Mountain stands a Stone, and from the Stone emerges a Spring. Now, every thing has a heart, and the entire world also has a heart, and the Heart of the World is a complete structure, with face, hands, feet etc. But the nail of the foot of the World's Heart is heartier [Yid. hertziker] than the heart of anything else. And the Mountain with the Stone and the Spring stands at one end of the world, while this Heart of the World stands at another end of the world, and the Heart stands facing the Spring, desiring and hoping continuously, exceedingly, that it should come to the Spring, and the longing and desire of the Heart to come to the Spring is just extraordinary. It screams nonstop, the Heart, to come to the Source, and the Source longs for the Heart too. Now, the Heart has two things that make it weak. One, because the sun pursues it exceedingly and scorches it (because it always yearns and desires to come to the Source), and the second thing that tires the Heart is due to yearning and desiring, that the Heart constantly yearns and wishes; it keeps pouring out its soul for the Source and screaming and so forth, as above, so as to come to the Source, for the Heart is always standing facing the Source, and screams "Na! Gevald!" [Yid. Please! Woe!], and keeps on yearning most exceedingly for the Source, as mentioned.